Stake Land Review - Run! It's the Zomb- er...Vampires!

Trigger Warning: Rape, murder, and gory violence.  Also SPOILERS.

Stake Land (2010) is a zombie apocalypse movie starring Connor Paolo and Nick Damici and directed by Jim Mickle.  The movie follows protagonist and narrator Martin, a sixteen year old boy, and the badass hunter that saved him from being eaten, known only as "Mister", as they travel to the near-mythical paradise of (you got it!) CANADA.

I say zombie apocalypse because even though the monsters in the movie were vampires...they were fucking zombies.  They growled, they shuffled, they had that expression you get when you wake up with a huge hangover; so let's be honest here.  If it walks like a zombie and quacks like a zombie, it's a zombie.  Just giving a zombie fangs does not make it a vampire.  They weren't even particularly good zombies.  They just seemed like a less-expensive rehash of the 28 Days Later or Resident Evil virus zombies.  They even drooled blood like those in the former movie.  One particular strain was even killed by getting staked in the brain -- absolutely nothing like how you would kill a vampire.  Stab Dracula in the head and he'll cough it out and shove it up your ass.

I had a few major gripes with this movie that I'll cover first, starting with the stakes, since I'm on the subject.  The characters made a big showing of carrying around these little pieces of wood in sheathes like knives, but when you actually looked at them they were little thicker than a pool cue.  In fact, they looked downright flimsy.  Some of them weren't even straight.  If you tried to stab through a dense piece of bone like the breast plate with one of those, it would snap like dry kindling and you'd have a real nasty pain in the neck right after.  Couldn't you find an old baseball bat in the post-apocalyptic suburbs, guys?

Next, the makeup was awful.  There were some pretty decent effects, don't get me wrong, but the vampires looked like an undead death metal band.  The first one you see is especially bad and wears what is obviously just black and white face paint like some sort of vampire clown.

OH FUCK OH FUCK

Another thing that I thought was interesting, yet confusing, was the use of vampire teeth as a form of currency.  Did it measure some sort of as yet uninvented badass score that allowed you free shit from every town you find yourself in?  It confused me because, in a post apocalyptic society the worth of a tradeable object would be measured by its usefulness.  Can I eat vampire teeth?  Burn them in the fireplace to keep me warm?  Make a pretty necklace?  When you think about it, vampire teeth are about as useful as tits on a zombie.

Totally worth iiiiiitttt!!!

The main antagonists in the movie, outside of the ever-present vampire predators, were a bunch of skinhead, redneck stereotypes called "The Brotherhood".  They're a religious cult whose goal in the movie is to kill all non-white, non-protestant heathens, including the black guy.  This is a concept that's been done to death, exhumed, paraded around like Weekend at Bernie's, and buried again.  Apparently we are to assume that in the likelihood of any sort of post-apocalyptic wasteland the Tea Party will start fucking everyone over.  The Stallone Judge Dredd did it, Resident Evil did it, Left 4 Dead 2 even turned the trope on its head and made the rednecks protagonists.  Please. just. stop.

Which brings me to another point.  Every character except for Martin and Mister are seemingly brought in just to get raped and then die.  Sister, a nun who shows up to act as a sort of mother figure for Martin, doesn't even get a real name, but she gets raped TWICE before committing suicide.  Delightful...  The pregnant girl, Belle, is only there so we can start to like her despite her uselessness before she gets vampire raped and dies. But hey, movie, at least you managed not to kill the black guy first!

Now, there were a few things I liked about the movie.  They weren't afraid to hit you in the face with blood and gore, including one scene near the end that had me somewhere between never eating again and in stitches laughing.  I genuinely liked the two main characters.  Martin goes from scared kid to experienced hunter in a very believable young hero's journey sort of way, even if he sort of spectacularly fails when it matters most.  Mister (Nick Damici) is legitimately badass, at one point taking out a pack of hungry vampires AFTER getting tied up and left for dead by the Brotherhood.  Honestly, they could have just focused on those two the entire time without adding all the filler characters to provide gruesome death scenes.  Lastly, the main antagonist, the cult leader Jebedia Loven, is generally boring until he has his own moment to shine and totally redeems himself.

Finally, there were a few choices on the part of the movie-makers that I'm just not sure how I feel about.  I feel like if the movie is not Lord of the Rings, it usually doesn't require narration.  You should show and not tell, and if you're showing AND telling it gets redundant, but Connor Paolo did a passable job of it.  Second, there were many different types of vambies and only one throwaway line about "different mutations" to explain them.  Some shambled, some ran, some seemed to be nearly human, one talked -- make up your damn minds or provide some sort of reason!  Still, some of them did add to the horror premise which is why I don't completely hate the idea.  Lastly, there's Belle's death: I like that they took the chance to kill a pregnant woman and her unborn child.  Not a lot of filmmakers have the balls for that choice.  All the same, I'm not sure if there was a real purpose to her death outside of a way to "grow up" Martin some more.  (As if killing a horde of zombies from Virginia to Canada wasn't enough.)

All in all, I'll give this one 2/5 stars.  It's watchable, I didn't hate it, but I'll probably never see it ever again.

An Interview with Eveille Cosplay

I got a chance to connect with my friend Eveille after DragonCon 2012 and ask her a few questions. Eveille's Highschool of the Dead, Sailor Moon, Star Wars, and Fifth Element cosplays have featured prominently on sites like Buzzfeed and DailyCosplay and her DeviantArt profile gets over 20,000 page views! For those of you new to cosplay or looking into starting, read on!

Photo Credit: LJinto 2012

How you go about choosing which characters you're going to cosplay? What is the process that goes into creating the costume and whole look?

As for choosing which characters I cosplay that’s a pretty easy thing, I tend to always want to create costumes of my favorite and most beloved characters. And it’s not just from anime anymore, I have expanded to creating costumes from film and television as well. My problem is deciding what to do for particular cons and I’m always adding to a constantly growing list. I finish one costume and add three new ones I want to create. I also tend to lean towards group cosplay, if I’ve got friends planning something and they ask me to be a part I almost always jump at it. There is nothing better than cosplaying with your friends.

As far as the process, it’s different for every costume. I tend to gather the supplies I need and do any new research if I’m doing a new technique and then I tend to just dive right in. Of course always with some experimentation should there be new techniques but that doesn’t happen often. I also make everything myself, patterns, cut and style wigs, etc etc. I’ve taught myself so much over the past few years and I apply that to what I make. When it comes to the final look, making sure everything fits and works properly is of course important and so is makeup. If you don’t have good makeup it can take away from a cosplay. I go the whole nine yards with false eyelashes etc. And when doing costumes that come from something live action I always look to see how the makeup was done for that particular look. I take more time getting ready for cosplay at conventions than I do in the morning. Haha.

Photo Credit: TheBigTog

Is there drama in the cosplay world? Do you compete (quietly or openly) with people wearing the same costume? Is it like two girls wearing the same dress where you immediately hate each other?

There is definitely drama in the cosplay world but I avoid it like the plague. If you are someone that takes part in petty drama then I don’t want to be your friend or know you. There are plenty of divas out there that think they are the best and always look down on other cosplayers and it’s not right. I cosplay to have fun and spend time with my friends at cons and that is what matters. When it comes to encountering or seeing other cosplayers in the same costume I love to see how they constructed their costume and am always asking questions about what techniques they used. Of course when I see a fantastic costume of something that I plan to make I tend to strive towards that same level of craftsmanship as I always want to do my best. But when it comes to seeing someone in person, even if in the same costume, I tend to complement them on parts of it, ask them about construction, and enjoy chatting about making the costume. I know there are some out there that immediately compare themselves should they see another in the same costume and those are people that most of the community avoids. I find it wonderful to really chat with other cosplayers about something we both truly love.

                                                                                     Photo Credit: TheBigTog

What would you say to someone just getting started? What should they learn? Where should they go for materials?

Do your research, there is an abundance of resources online and in fabric stores to help you get started in the right direction. It’s really all on yourself to use those things at your fingertips to your advantage, ask other cosplayers even, not all will answer but many are ready and willing to give advice to help you start. And start small, pick an easy project to begin with and as you learn more and your skill set expands you can move on to more advanced projects.

Which character was the most uncomfortable? Which character will you never do again? How much comfort do you typically sacrifice to pull off a cosplay?

None, I’ve never cosplayed something I would be uncomfortable with, granted there really isn’t anything that would make me uncomfortable. I always cosplay characters because I love them or the series.

Photo Credit: Daniel Gray Photography

For more Eveille Cosplay, visit her DeviantArt page!

Bullying in Cosplay

I am a cosplay outsider.  My experience with costuming is limited to dressing up like a pirate and getting ridiculously, unnecessarily forshnicked on Halloween.  And who doesn’t enjoy dressing up as your favorite movie or TV character on October 31^st every year?  Even if you don’t perfectly match that character’s body type and looks (and really, who does?) you have to admit that it is a blast putting together a really involved costume.  If it’s funny, sexy, or simply a well-made pop culture reference, you want to show off or else why spend so much time on it?  So when my friends go on about their cosplay hobby, I can’t think of a reason why there would be anything wrong in indulging that costuming itch any time of the year.  

Yarr!

However, as nerd culture becomes more acceptable to the masses and the sheer number of people going to conventions increases, cosplay in particular has become subject to the drama that comes with the mainstream spotlight.  Cosplayers who have -- shall we say -- not the ideal body type, who have nonetheless spent hours and hours constructing a costume worthy of a film company’s design department are the brunt of the (dumb) joke when they put it on.  They spent all effort in getting every minute detail correct, but find themselves ridiculed for being overweight, having acne, or being “ugly” in some other conventional detail no matter how fantastic their costumes are.

For example, a friend of mine was recently dubbed “Fat [Character]” on a popular imageboard after his first and only attempt at cosplaying.  (I’m not going to say which character, nor post a picture because I feel my friend has gone through enough.)  He went so far as to even dye his hair instead of using a wig, and specially made certain parts of the costume himself despite being an amateur at it.  He did it because he wanted to have fun representing a character he loved and enjoyed.  Unfortunately, after being torn apart by internet trolls who had just seen a single picture of him, he decided that he didn’t want to cosplay anymore.

I’ll say it simply.  The practice of tearing people down because of what they look like is bullshit.  Cutting people out because they look different than our ideal is what nerd culture was built as an antithesis to in the first place!  We shouldn’t give a flying fornication one way or the other if the three-hundred pound bearded man wants to create a Sailor Moon costume.  He’s not hurting anyone.  Yet, we have sites dedicated to making fun of people in this way.  Cosplaytrainwreck.com, a Tumblr called “Your Cosplay Sucks”…who are you to judge these people?  Why do you care what they do with their free time?  According to a Facebook group, “Fat ugly cosplayers ruin the characters.”  Really?  What’s more pathetic:  The overweight girl in the Rei Ayanami costume or the fact that these mouth-breathing imbeciles feel it ruins the ACTUAL SHOW for them? 

 Under that skirt are balls of steel.

While JessicaNigri in her Pikachu outfit tickles my pokeballs like any other red-blooded male, I don’t cut down or judge other cosplayers over their appearance.  Instead, look at the details on the costume and try to think of how much time that person spent getting everything perfect.  Sure she might be heavy, but she also made her own chainmail and boiled, dyed, and cut the leather for her Night Elf costume herself.  THAT is impressive.